Wednesday, August 26, 2009

An invite for the Commonwealth Games, 2010

Dear All,
We, the forever emerging Asian giant, who do not believe in complete emergence, are all set to welcome our guests from abroad for next year’s gala sporting event. We will be glad to have the company of our colonial cousins, all of whom had once joined us in bowing down before the Empire whose sun has now set. The nation of over a billion souls welcomes you all with open arms, wide open manholes and potholes, shut eyes and ears and clogged drains and sewer lines.
We promise our would-be visitors that they would be stunned with our resolve to destroy their obsession with our glorious and exotic past, as soon as they set their feet on the ground of Delhi, our proud capital and the venue of the 2010 Commonwealth Games.
Hence, we have rendered unrecognizable all our monuments of the Mughal era and the legacies of the Raj, simply by taking up construction works that will continue for eternity and renovations that may end up removing every trace of their very sites.
If there is anything that our visitors shall be looking forward to, it is the obvious signs of our growing economy that refuses to grow up. We therefore advise our visitors not to look for any exotic marble structures which senile bards may describe as tear drops on the cheeks of Time. They shall rather be prepared to be greeted by gigantic flyovers and structures of concrete that are likely to remain “under-construction” unless and until these inert beings vow to manifest the Hindu concept of all-pervading Consciousness and start yearning for “Nirvana”.
We would also like to mention our proud national trait which prefers rehearsals to performance. Therefore, only recently, on August 21 to be precise, we tested our preparedness for the upcoming mega-event in which we were assisted by Mother Nature whom we have been worshipping ever since the Universe came into being. True to our genius for invention, we are confident of dazzling you all with the unique training and practice facilities that we will be providing to your respective sporting icons.
Whilst in our colourful land, your athletes need not waste their time on boring regimes at bland gymnasia and stadia. Just look at the three pictures except the one at the top, which shows the most VIP street in the town dotted with embassies of various countries on either sides. We have converted it into a pool! So, your swimmers and canoeists can just cruise along while enjoying the sight of their respective High Commissions for their preparations! Now just have a look at the endless queue of vehicles at a jam-packed street in the photograph at the top. What better practice opportunity can you imagine for those interested in high jump and long jump? And this is not all. Sprinters have the entire city at their service as crossing any of the roads at a busy hour will definitely make them capable of breaking any amount of world records. Gymnasts, Judokas and wrestlers too can avail of an excellent training facility which involves getting in and out of the city buses and the tube rail.
For those who are not impressed, we wish to point out that this is not all. We appreciate the growing worldwide emphasis on the “mental” aspect of sports training and our uncouth citizens, ranging from the hand-to-mouth to the well-heeled, will not be found wanting in offering a nerve-wracking challenge. Make no mistake. Your handsomely-paid and foul-mouthed coaches can never instill the mental toughness into your sportspersons which our ordinary folks can do without charging a penny, with their unprovoked glares, blaring horns on streets busy as well as deserted and squabbles which effortlessly transform into full-blown street-fights.
We sincerely hope to win you over with our unconventional hospitality and quench your thirst for adventure.
With best wishes,
India That Is Bharat

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